Nonamory

Nonamory is a lifestyle choice or relationship style that does not include intimate, long-term partnerships, for an individual's definition of one.

A nonamorous person generally does not want a boyfriend, girlfriend or partner. What counts as an intimate long-term partnership may differ between nonamorous people. Some may just include romantic relationships in their definition and be open to other types of partnerships, while others may include queerplatonic partnerships and/or platonic life-partnerships.

One can be nonamorous regardless of orientation, however it is most common among aromantic and aro-spec people. Among aromantic people, it is most commonly used to refer to an aro-spec person who does not desire queerplatonic relationships, or similar committed partnerships. Some Nonamorous people also do not desire significant platonic relationships, and may identify as Aplatonic.

Nonamorous people might instead decide to focus on friends or family for all of their social needs; or they may choose to be solitary. Their life may focus on many fulfilling things such as hobbies, career, friendship, the arts, traveling, spirituality, social activism, learning, or more. They may or may not be sexually active.

Compare “Polyamory,” in which a person has intimate relationships that are not exclusive, and “Monogamy/monoamory,” in which a person may have only one two-person intimate committed relationship at a time. Since Nonamory is a lifestyle that one can choose, an Alloromantic person can choose to be Nonamorous, similar to how an Allosexual person may choose to be celibate.

In some cases, it may be used interchangebly with Afidelitous, Agamous, and/or Non-Partnering. Most commonly with Non-Partnering.

Etymology
Nonamory/Nonamorous is made up of the Latin prefix non-, meaning "not", and the Latin word amor, meaning "love".

Definitions

 * Nonamorous, a term for people who does not desire intimate, committed partnerships, for their definition of committed. - 2021
 * Nonamory: a lifestyle choice or relationship style that does not include intimate, long-term partnerships, whether romantic or platonic. - Anagnori, 2013.

History
Nonamory was coined by Tumblr user Anagnori on December 1, 2013. The term originated from a conversation between them and the user Uselessladders.

Controversy
Around summer of 2019 the term Nonamorous, along with other terms like it, was criticized by part of the Aromantic community. The criticism stemmed from the fact that the term implied that someone who is not nonamorous would be "amorous". Since amorous and amory is typically used to exclusively describe sexual or romantic relationships this caused discomfort among parts of the community that would fall under this "amorous" label.

However, when potential alternatives to Nonamorous were created they were similarly criticizes, leaving the nonamorous part of the community frustrated at not having an "acceptable" term to describe themselves. This led to the user Arotaro replacing any instance of "Nonamorous" with the self introduction monologue of Greed from Fullmetal Alchemist to show the futility in trying to create perfect labels and the frustration of not being able to label themselves, as well as showing showing that the meaning of any given word is completely arbitrary. The quote goes ''"I’m Greed. I want everything you can think of: money and women, power and sex, status, glory, I demand the finer things. And of course I crave eternal life." ''

Flags
The main Nonamorous flag was designed by an anonymous user, submitted to Beyond-MOGAI-Pride-Flags on January 25, 2019. The flag meaning are as follows: Indigo represents the integrity nonamorous people show towards themselves in spite of social pressure to enter into Monogamous relationships. Magenta represents compassion and solidarity between members of the nonamorous community as well as other people who struggle against the pressures of a hetero and monogamocentric society. It also represents the harmony we can achieve outside of ‘traditional’ long-term partnerships. Amber represents the joy, independence, and confidence nonamorous people harbor, both in non-monogamous relationships and with themselves, as well as solidarity. Turquoise represents the healing and self-sufficiency nonamorous people find as a community despite living in a world that treats them as ‘incomplete’ for not seeking out a monogamous partnership. The letter V was used to represent adventurousness and creativity in how nonamorous people relate to the world, and to represent how nonamory has long been in ‘uncharted waters’ in terms of general awareness and acceptance.

Before that, there were two other proposed Nonamorous flags. One was by Deviantart user Enbygsrd on September 16, 2016. The other is the greyscale flag, made by an unknown creator on, or before, June 8, 2017. Over the bars is a white “∅”, which is used as a null symbol, representing not wanting to have intimate long-term relationships. The colors are meant to represent sort of supporting yourself and being independent as well.

Another alternate flag is a redesign of the main Nonamorous flag by tumblr user FlippingPancake, posted on June 19, 2021. The color meanings are the same. Aside from the main one, there were two other variants. One more similar to the original, and one simplified version.

Coining
"Nonamory: a lifestyle choice or relationship style that does not include intimate, long-term partnerships, whether romantic or platonic.

A nonamorous person does not need or want a boyfriend, girlfriend or partner. They do not need or want a queerplatonic partner, or platonic life-partner, either.

They may instead decide to focus on friends or family for all of their social needs; or they may choose to be solitary. Their life may focus on many fulfilling things such as hobbies, career, friendship, the arts, traveling, spirituality, social activism, learning, or more. They may or may not be sexually active.

Compare “polyamory,” in which a person has intimate relationships that are not exclusive, and “monoamory,” in which a person may have only one intimate committed relationship at a time. Also compare “celibacy”: a nonamorous person feels the same way about romance and life-partnerships as a celibate person feels about sex.

(From a conversation with uselessladder. Coined because not all aromantic people are interested in forming queerplatonic relationships or platonic life-partnerships. Since asexual people make a distinction between asexuality/celibacy, it’s reasonable for aromantic people to distinguish between aromanticism/nonamory as well. Also useful for non-aromantic people who choose to avoid romantic relationships for whatever reason.)"

- Anagnori